To Thine Ownself be True

I do a lot of thinking. Maybe that's a good thing, or maybe a bad thing? Either way, Shakespeare came to mind with his infamous quote "To thine own self be true." And I decided to do just that.... to be true to myself.

In doing so, I realized one of my flaws. I am overly forgiving, and always think people are going to be what I want and hope they will be. In the end I always up end disappointed because I realize I live in a fantasy land and no matter how much I wish things were different they just aren't and will never be. To be true to myself I have realized I have no female best friend. I have thrown the word around before, but really, no girl understand what this means. My best friends in my life are my parents and Wesley. This would make me mad, but I am not bothered by it anymore. What's the point in trying I guess?

I am so proud of myself for deciding to go back to school. Even though I am just getting my Associates Degree right now I think I deserve props for working full time and then some, on top of going to school.... and still managing all A's. That just goes to show I have determination and really can do anything I put my mind to, again coming back to the theme of being true to myself.

My wedding is about 4 months away now. Hard to believe, but I am super excited. I vow to make Wes the happiest man alive and I want to take care of him forever. To know he is provided for and taken care of brings me so much joy and pleasure.

Tonight was Mrs.Cindy's 5 year sobriety celebration. I wish I could have been there with the family to support her and congratulate her on this tremendous acheivement, but I was there in spirit. (Mrs. Cindy, I am so proud of you, as we all are. You Go Girl!!!)

2009 is soon wrapping up. This has been a hard year. In the end I think I am a smarter, wiser, and stronger person. My experiences have etched another notch into life lessons learned.

I leave you with this..... in order to be happy, you need to be true to yourself. If you hide behind lies, or fantansies of "what if" then you will never fully reach your capability and potential of happiness. Realize that life is perfectly imperfect, and with that you will not stress as much.

Reflections

Time and time again I reminded that people today do not understand the meaning of friendship, but instead of making it upset me I am learning it is what it is and times have changed compared to how things used to me when they were much more simplistic. People today are just different beings compared to the days of my parents growing up. I am realizing things are what they are and I have to accept them because no matter how much I wish for things to be different, it never will be.

The past few nights have been absolutely perfect. Wes and I went to Wal-mart and bought a bunch of Christmas movies, and each night we have watched one together all cuddled up. It has been so relaxing. As much as I hate this weather and the cold, I love this time of year, especially how happy it makes Wes watching Christmas movies.

Work the other day was rough. I went into the bathroom on my break and cried. I think it was just an emotional break down because of the stress with school and work. Wedding planning hasn't really been stressful, but I just feel like I have no social life anymore, and I think that's what hurt me the most. So at work I felt like I was being thrown under the bus for no reason and that was the icing on the cake and it took all I had to hold those tears in. The release felt great and going home to Wes took all those tears away. It never fails how he knows exactly what to say or do to make me feel better. Did I mention how amazing he is and that I am seriously the luckiest and blessed girl in the world. God answered my life long prayer.

Anyhow, I have to get back to school work, and then head into work. Hope everyone has a great Friday. Keep warm out there!

Fantastic Saturday

I had a lovely day today so far. Despite the snow, my parents and I ventured out and got some shopping done. Not only was I able to pick up more stuff for the wedding, but spending time with them was awesome because I do not have that luxury much anymore. The items needed to make the favors for the wedding are just about all gathered as well, so I cannot wait to start to put those together.

I finished my blanket... it looks awesome and keeps me so warm. I am certainly proud of myself; it's a nice sense of accomplishment. I will have to post pictures soon of this feat.

Another great recent happening.....I had my first "yearly review" for work at dispatch......drum roll please....... I DID GOOD! I am still employed and they seem pleased with me so far, so employment shall still be in my life, thank goodness.

I've had a nice two week break from college as they were getting my student loans disbursements worked out. But Monday is back to the school work grind again, which means less free time and more sleep deprivation. The only thing that keeps me motivated is the fact that I only have five more classes to go before my Associates Degree is completed, and I really want a degree. Many people thought I would not go to college at all and honestly it feels great to prove them wrong. I am gonna make something of my life and college is the road to go. I want to take care of myself and my future husband so that we may live a happy, peaceful, and loving life together.

Today was the first snowfall of this winter. Not too thrilled about it to be honest with you. As a kid I loved it, because of course we can get off school. But as an adult having to worry about work and running errands and getting on with life regardless of the weather, well it is not fun!

Well I must end this..... Wes is patiently waiting for me to come to see him and I am anxious cause I am missing him like crazy. (I am litterally sititng here smiling ear to ear just thinking about him). Anyhow, hope everyone else had a lovely Saturday, and for those who are out in this weather, please be careful.